feelin it

Today was the last day of swimming lessons. One thing I can say that I wont miss will be the freezing cold that is swimming pool water in Milwaukee. It never got warm from the first day of lessons until now it remained cold. Which reminded me that wow we can still feel even when life sucks.
The past few days have been especially hard because I am remember what we were doing this time last year and realinzing that we are doing that again already and all because of me again makes me sad.
I have done pretty well these past few days not getting sick I mean I have started to shut down at different points but I remind myself that it was my actions that put me here and that I need to man up and so I just ignore it. This is different though this is like sick, stomach hurt and all that feeling really crappy. Not a good time for this to have happened, with all the stuff that is going on. Still I will live, it's like John Mayer says boys soldier on, and no for those of you who have been reading and want to say that I'm slipping back into the must take care of it thing thats not what I mean. I just mean that I'll live and do what I must. Friday is going to suck because of what it is and because J has to leave early and she will ahve the kids and after it's all over i'll be alone to get stuff done but still it will be really difficult. Least I won't have to go to Church lol.