I posted a short comment on Thanksgiving day. In it I used a word that is offensive to many people, at times including myself. I want to set the record strait on a few things.
1. I was not fired from all those churches. I was fired from 2 churches, one of which stated that I was being freed to look for a ministry more suited to me, but yes I was let go from 2 churches.
2. Holding grudges, I try not to, I believe though that weather we want to admit it or not. This is something I am working on. If you know I personally hold grudges then I am sorry that you think I'm holding a grudge against you. We should talk about it and see why you think that way so that I can make it right. According to the Bible if I know someone has something against me then I need to go to that person and fix it. I'm willing but I need to know why you think that way, so that we can begin the process of making things right.
3. God is big enough to deal with one person being angry with Him, however I have been very clear with the few people that I have had actual conversations with, when asked if I'm angry with God, I'm not. I have fully acknowledged my part in all of this. I do not lay this issue at God's feet. I'm not mad at God at all. I am mad at myself and would never presume to put myself on the same level as God at all.
4. Getting back out there and getting a youth pastors job. I have a family that I have to consider. I have spent my life working for others and myself. Thinking that the only way to minister was through youth ministry in a church. I am really not sure any more about anything when it comes to calling, for me. I'm sure if I were to apply all the stuff that I have learned and know I would be able to come up with a correct religious answer, the problem with proper religious answers is that they are religious and not necessarily from God or from a place of truth.
5. I am not a person who normally goes around swearing or using offensive language, however there are times in life that you get so mad that you say things that you wouldn't normally say. I did type a 4 letter expletive and I posted it. I'm sorry and yes I mean sorry not being sarcastic, if it has offended anyone. It was where I was at, and the name of my Blog is Aaron's Rants. It's here for me to write what I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. I may go back and semi edit the post, I haven't decided that yet.
6. Being a 35 year old man who blogs his thoughts and feelings for the world to see, is something that I am doing on purpose. It allows this type of thing to happen. I am coming at this whole thing from where I am, I am writing what I am feeling and thinking and wanting and not wanting. I am being who I am right now and I am not filtering it. I have always tried to be a voice of realism wherever I have worked. This will continue. If someone in a church that would be considering me, which I don't see happening, would not want to hire me because of reading this and getting a very real picture of my past and of what I have gone through, if they want everything clean and nice and steril, then they don't want me and I don't want them. I post this blog for myself and others to read so that I can move on and so that they can see the progress I am making. I have done well and made great strides, but that doesn't mean that I'm still not very sad and depressed about it. So good I'm glad I'm being read, I'm glad that people are commenting. Thanks for the thoughts. I wish others would also post, who knows perhaps they will. But just remember part of this is the chance for dialog and you will get some dialog back.
Back to the grudge thing for a moment. I guess that is the one that sits in my stomach and bothers me. My parents were here for Thanksgiving, on Friday when my dad and I were getting gas for his car so that they could go back on Saturday, he asked what I wanted and what was going on. I told him. It's very simple.
I would do anything, anything at all to get a call from Harvest saying that they would like us to come back. I would jump at it. I would do anything they asked me to, and yes I would be the best youth pastor they have ever seen or had. It's that simple. I don't hold a grudge against them, I hold a grudge against me because I bought into this lie that I had to be this big man and take care of everything, and I didn't need any help from anyone. I bought into the lie that needing help meant I was weak, needing help means I'm human. Too bad it took losing my dream to find that out.
Hit me back with some responses I crave the interaction.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 comment:
I am glad you did learn that any person in charge needs help. While help doesn't mean you pass off 90% of your work to your student leaders, it does mean that it is okay to not carry all of the burden. Knowing what you know now, begin to implement it into your daily life...such as with chores and your girls, or in/with relationships. Perhaps once you have gotten a better grip on this in your daily life then you will better be able to practice it within your workplace.
Don't lose heart. You are going through the refining process and in time you'll be so thankful for this rough times. I know, I know, that doesn't help at all to hear right now. In fact its really cliche, annoying and shallow sounding, but I do mean it for encouragement. Life's a puzzle and even though right now youre stuck at looking at a bunch of brown ugly pieces, you'll eventually piece it all together and in the end be in awe of how it all turns out.
keep reachin higher. My prayers are with you
Post a Comment